I was going through old columns from when I used to write for The New Paper. I found this one titled “Woo is me” and felt it was timely – Valentine’s Day is on Saturday. Like most guys, I find Valentine’s Day to be rather silly. Valentine’s Day = scheduled, forced romance. Well, this year I’m single so I need not worry about what to do on Valentine’s Day.
The column, from February 14, 2006:
Guy and girl meet. Realize they live and work near each other. They begin hanging out – very casual, calling each other, “Hey! I’m in the area, want to hang out?” A few weeks pass with them dropping by each other’s place and they realize they enjoy spending time together and that there is attraction.
Sounds like a great start, right?
If you’re a guy, for sure, this is a great start! But apparently, if you’re female, the realization of attraction in this situation is something that should make you mad!
What am I talking about? Wooing the girl.
The guy and girl realize they’re attracted to each other. Perhaps they even kiss and share happy sentiments. The girl then announces, “Wait! I’m mad at you, you didn’t even woo me!”
The girl clarifies that she is mad that there were no romantic dinners, no sweet gestures such as flowers, no planning for when they would see each other next… and displays an attitude such as she can not allow herself to like the guy because he did not “woo” her.
This is stupid.
If attraction develops through casual get-togethers, is there something invalid about it? Does a guy have to “woo” a girl through the traditional nonsense such as dinners and a movie in order for the girl to be comfortable with herself in liking him? Why doesn’t just hanging out count as wooing? I think that might actually be a better way of figuring out that you’re attracted to someone, through relaxed casual interactions where one is themselves rather than the forced charm of a date.
Even more nonsensical is for a girl to backtrack on their feelings because they felt that they were not wooed. It’s like saying, “We both like each other! But too bad, I need to feel like you put more effort into winning me over.” So even though the girl likes the guy, she will refrain from allowing herself to enjoy the sensation of attraction. I would love for a girl to explain to me how this is logical.
I have been in this situation a couple times, and from experience I can tell you one thing not to say in response to this. A girl started chastising me for not having wooed her properly. I was stunned at the ridiculousness of it, and decided to turn the tables on her. My comment: “You know what? I’m mad that you didn’t woo ME!” The conversation ended shortly thereafter. Good!
What’s the proper thing to do? Sure, it’s great for the guy to be romantic, and he will be, but does it make sense to penalize him for not wooing the girl at the beginning in this situation? To me, I consider it much better if attraction has developed while hanging out in casual get-togethers. It’s a sign that both are comfortable with each other and the attraction is a natural chemistry between the two.
Guys easily appreciate the good things that come their way. So when we fall into attraction with someone, it’s great! We don’t think about how the attraction came to be or what actions were taken, we just enjoy the sentiment. It’s simple – girl & boy like each other, why must it be so complicated?