So you want to be a female celebrity?

In the past couple of years I’ve had the opportunity to get to know many female “celebrities.” (I put that word in quotes because whether or not someone can truly be a celebrity in a place as small as Singapore is up for debate). I’ve witnessed some common behavior that I think will be useful for any female that would like to pursue the dream of being a Singapore star. A dream I also like to dub, “How to be worshipped while being broke.”

I proudly present…

So you want to be a female celebrity? Here are some guidelines that you must follow to project true celebrity status.

  1. Never be seen taking public transport. Riding a bus or subway train is for everyone else who isn’t you.
  2. When people ask what you’re working on, you’re either filming, in post-production, or about to start a new project. If you tell them the truth that you’re not working, your career is as good as dead.
  3. You must bring a stylist, assistant, manager, and friend to any photo shoots or filming. Important people travel with an entourage. So what if they don’t actually do anything. You pay them for their company, not for services.
  4. When you talk to the press, you tell them you don’t have a boyfriend because guys are scared to approach you and you’re hopelessly waiting for Mr. Right. If your current boyfriend ever wants to be seen in public with you, dump him; he will make you lose fans.
  5. Choose your media personality: either a wholesome girl-next-door or a misunderstood bad girl / tomboy who is secretly a wholesome girl-next-door. In real life you’re most likely just boring.
  6. Only go to a party where you’re getting paid to attend or getting something free. And leave as soon as possible, even if it’s fun. It’s not cool to stand there and be seen having a good time.
  7. Emphasize how busy and stressful your life is. You deserve sympathy – after all for 20 minutes of acting you spend 4 hours sitting around doing nothing while they get the camera and scene ready.
  8. You know all those people operating the camera and sound equipment? Don’t talk to them – not glam! You’re only supposed to talk to your co-stars and director.
  9. Always give the illusion of wealth. You live at home because you are a filial daughter, not because you can’t afford to move out.
  10. Sunglasses are not a fashion accessory; they are a permanent attachment on your face. After all, if you didn’t wear sunglasses people might actually be able to look you in the eye. Gasp!

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