Don’t Have to Be So Sad

When I listen to Yo La Tengo, I think of Seattle friends, specifically Patrick and Marisa, and the time we went to King Cat Theater in Belltown. I also think of Bumbershoot and how it was a lucky coincidence to stumble into the stage where they were playing. Maybe that was in 1998? 1999?

Ah, the heady days (daze?) of youth. I think they’re quickly disappearing. Gone are the conversations full of “what if’s,” impulse, and impossible dreams. Everything is so much more serious now.

Business opportunities, financial management, interest rates, mortgage rates, own or rent, investment, key performance indicators, satisfaction levels, salaries and contracts, wire transfers, mutual funds, REITs, passive income, go to market campaigns, partnerships, trend lines, high potential evaluations, oh how those words all fly around me.

Those words are not fun.

I want to be back in the car with Patrick, driving home from work, listening to him talk about the latest utility he’s grokked up to make his computer usage .05% more efficient. Or staying late at the office, not to work but to play Halo on 2 Xbox’s networked together and hooked up to big screens in the conference room. 4 pm, 9 pm, 3 am, time becomes an after thought.

These days, happy times are harder to remember. Too often fueled by liquor, with the first thought of the next morning: “I didn’t need that last drink.” Perhaps it’s an attempt to chase youth, with each shot, each beer, each clink of the glass, the worries of age slip to the back of the mind and impulsive youth takes over.

My 20’s are gone, my memories of those years stored in digital documents locked away in the computer. I don’t mind. Life has been interesting lately, but in all the serious ways.

I miss wearing my blue hooded jacket. Seattle rains – a lot. It gets cold, damp, and gray for most of the year. My shield against it was my blue hooded jacket (which Jon nicely dubbed my “80’s jacket”).

I’d like to say that I washed it frequently and treated it well. Instead I wore it every day, hardly cleaned, and now it’s a faded blue with ratty string ends, and stains from who knows what. But that’s part of the charm.

For those times when it would be colder, or slightly wetter, I could always pull that silver zipper tab up just a little more, tighten the hood around my head, and shrug my shoulders forward to fall back deeper into it.

I still like to wear it in Singapore. I put it on and feel the younger days of Seattle around me.

Yo La Tengo’s “Don’t Have to Be So Sad


One response to this post.

  1. Let me try to help. “OF COURSE YOU CAN’T GO OVER NOW – CAN’T YOU SEE THE CAR???”

    Jon’s gone, you’re gone, work sucks – who could possibly want that time in our lives to be over?


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